The imperfect duo that gave me a home, and even when we disagree they are still home. A beautiful set sent only for my heart to experience not only, the beauty of humble beginnings but the elaborate joy of a firm family.
She breathed her last; goodbye
I was in Nairobi at my dad’s sister’s house. I was passively watching television in the evening when my mommy’s elder sister came in. A few hours prior, my auntie had received a telephone call. Telling from her posture, mimic, and tone, it didn’t seem to be good news. She gasped and I felt that something dark had happened. I am one who has always needed confirmation. I hate to assume stuff. So I sat there my heart racing fast not knowing how to behave. I acted as if I wasn’t in the room but I could feel my aunt’s gaze on me. I glanced at her and saw her…
I feel angry with a sprinkle of bitterness. I have never been grateful to be far away from family like I feel right now. The last place I would want to be right now is with my larger family. I don’t want to share a meal with people who think you owe them your life. People who will stoop so low to remind you every chance they get how you would not have survived if it were not for them. People who act God.
For the love of sex
I have been on mother earth long enough to learn to be more comfortable in talking about everything sex. A complex topic. Learning and unlearning what sex is and what sex isn’t. Most importantly I have unlearned that sex isn’t bad manners. Sex isn’t sin. I wonder how many people refer to this act as “tabia mbaya” bad manners. I picked that up as a child as sex always went by that description. For me, having been brought up in a household most of you would be familiar with, sex wasn’t and unfortunately still isn’t an easy topic to dive in with the folks and even siblings. Mention the word…
Minding “my own”
A few weeks ago on a beautiful evening, I was just about to get to my apartment when I passed this lady in the hallway. Like the well-mannered girl I am, I said hello looking straight at her. I value greetings so much that I blame it on how I was raised. I will feel offended if I greet you and you don’t greet me back. I don’t get it when people disregard greetings. If you ignore me I’ll wonder who hurt you or what I did to not deserve a hello from you. I don’t like to harbor these kinds of feelings. It’s unsettling that living in Vienna and…
Wet kisses on a wrinkled face
Sometime last year I had a vital grown-up conversation with my slowly aging dad. I hate to say aging because well, he is daddy and I want him to forever show no signs of aging at all, to stay strong and healthy as I’ve always seen him to be. I have the fondest memories of him. Like, I remember him bringing us vanilla and chocolate wafers anytime he came back home from work and us running to his open hands, him picking us up without staggering and one by one throwing us in the air and us landing back into his arms. At times we would cling onto his body…
Maybe I just have to accept that my body is a topic I will always be confronted with until I leave this body. Maybe I should just accept that even strangers can have an uncalled for opinion on my body. Maybe some people sleep better after they have uttered hurtful statements towards bodies that aren’t their bodies. Maybe I have to realize that some people think their body image opinions are the standard and that every body should be like their body. Maybe there is a perfect body and maybe there is no perfect body. But no-body is perfect. Maybe I should uphold my body in dignity and not scale…
We lived and to more years
Sometimes I am a bit naive not to believe that there is evil in this world. That some people can be so hard-hearted and jealous in a situation they wouldn’t even gain from. Honestly, I don’t understand how someone can be so evil and negative minded to actually sit and plot someone else’s downfall. How they can wish for the worst to happen to another human being. How they utter hurtful and painful remarks on someone’s life. At what cost? At whose gain? I have been celebrating the birthdays of my two amazing younger brothers. Born back to back but different years. My mind took me back to when they…
You do try. You use everything in your reach to make your life livable. You often juggle to make the lives of those you care about „easier“. You make a lot of sacrifices for others. You give back to people you don’t know and have never even met. You extend your resources over and over again to those who feel entitled. You want to be accorded respect for that. You want your name in everyone’s breath. At times you feel unappreciated, taken for granted but you still do it again. Think of all the good you have done. Oh, you can’t stop. Think of all the times anyone appreciated…
Life taking its course
It has been a few months of so much unraveling before our eyes. Like literally the whole of 2020 has given us a lot of aha moments. I have had my share of struggles which seem less daunting when I compare with other people’s struggles in different parts of the world. But a struggle is a struggle. Big or small, right? A lot of times we disregard what we are experiencing in our personal spaces because it seems not to measure up to other people’s definition of problems. It sometimes becomes clear that you are struggling when someone points it out to you, or when your body sends you signals…