Ever been an “outsider” and had to listen to family feud and how amazingly all parties involved tend to hold their noses up so high wallowing in their innocence and trying to convince you (not directly though but by the picture they paint with their humble and tamed words) who the devil in the feud is. And they actually expect you to believe them and sympathize, so you nod to their declaration of how the other party, but them is the source of all the mess.
Too much hypocrisy, back biting, clearly unbelievable rumors going on, unresolved disputes, and too much pride from the parties involved. All in one family.
Taking my own statistics down to 6 in 10 families (if not all families) you might have heard numerous stories that go back and forth about who did what, why so and so doesn’t speak to so and so, and much more incomprehensible bullshit that dates two to three generations back.
My extended family is so large I could marry my cousin without my knowledge or theirs. I feel like the larger the family the more the disputes and the wider the division. In the spirit of full honesty, I’m happy to be born in this family. Both my maternal and paternal sides. They have both played huge roles in molding the woman I am now.
I have however grown up watching drama after drama unfold. Some stories I hear at times I wish I didn’t . They work me up so much I want to throw up. Awful relations and communication I see between relatives disgust and choke me. I’m often left in a position of debating, well, I heard that. I’m I supposed to do anything about it? What can I change? Do I need to call the other party and hear their side of the story? Do I need to pick a side? Like right now!? But unfortunately I only have 24hrs in a day and I have my hands full of adult stuff to do.
It is very sad, seeing innocent children growing up entangled in drama they don’t know the origin. Them learning to have to pick sides, because why, “you can’t hate me but love my children” A familiar line “victims” wear on their sleeves. Or this loyalty line “Your enemies are my enemies.”
You might have heard of or know certain cousins (That is if you are not one of them) not seeing eye to eye from the mere fact that their parents don’t get along. They can’t even begin to explain to you why, but they are very comfortable cutting family ties because they were born into the dysfunction and they don’t question it.
From my twenty something years of experience I totally agree with this Kikuyu saying, “Mîciî nî dogo.” Most times you just have to take a sit at the farthest back, watch at your chosen distance and either try to work things out if you are not one to loose hope so fast or just “enjoy” the drama unfold, because it seems like some people will always ignite and cause drama any chance they have.
That or honestly, take an exit. Save your energy, protect your sanity and concentrate your efforts into more deserving aspects of your life. Not forgetting family feuds and drama will always be there. I think most families can’t fully function without drama. If the intensity of it all is too draining, again, just exit.
See it this way, family is so beautiful and whoever has family (whatever your definition of family is) is blessed. No doubt. A group of people form a family and none of them is identical (in thoughts and otherwise) to the other, so each will bring their own individual thoughts, different personalities/characters, mentalities in the mix and one or more is/are bound to disagree and collide. And bum! Drama begins.
Kudos if your family has learned the art to get over conflicts without revisiting bygones over and over.
I don’t think we should take it seriously though, we tend to not get over anything ill someone we respected so much says about us. They say, those you love hurt you the most. Yes, true but we can’t and shouldn’t always dwell on that issue, the bad deed/s they did to us. We can move on and live a imperfectly happy and exciting life, free off that baggage our forefathers might have created that we somehow ended up picking on and growing.
And as we continue yapping “blood is thicker than water” let’s not forget there is also bad blood. Like baaaaaad thick blood. As much as you want to fight for family to your last breath, you can only do so much. You can do yourself a favor and love from a distance.
I think in short I wanted to pass these points across:
• don’t tangle yourself in battles and family feud you have no clue about
•don’t pass on to your kids family feud that isn’t their business
•don’t catalyze and precipitate conflicts for lack of a hobby
•protect your good energies and space at all costs
•embark on battles if you may, expecting pretty much anything
•you are grown and hopefully can tell facts from fiction, right from wrong, don’t deny the honest truth and don’t be consumed by the conflicts of your fathers and forefathers
• give family a chance
•you can also love (whoever) from a distance
Family is beautiful