Unloved

I‘m sorry but I‘m not really sorry for a particular kind of people who whine uncontrollably of how unloved they are. I‘ll give a pass now and then for anyone who at some point feel this way. I mean, we are all human and very needy humans at times. We all want to be seen, noticed, taken seriously, cared for, pampered, mention it, in ways we sometimes don’t even know how.

And in wanting to receive what we crave for so badly, we will most times try to manipulate the ones in our lives to get it.

I completely sympathize with people who received close to no love while growing up. Because I know it has affected certain aspects of their lives in ways only they can comprehend. Those that walked through the hardest of times being neglected, rejected, abused, mistreated and misunderstood have a place in my heart, and I can only empathize knowing that no matter what, there are certainly torturous days regardless of how hard they try.

This post is mainly inspired by those few people who day in day out, come what may, have put a spell on themselves and innerly or outwardly carry the tag unloved so boldly, they will always testify to anyone who lends them the time how much everyone dislikes or hates them no matter what they do.

I don’t know if you know such people but I do. When you look at or study them you see soo much love surrounding them. They had great childhoods. Loving and supportive families. But they are very convinced that they will never be enough for their loved ones. They will come up with stories trying to prove how unloved and unaccepted they are. They will go an extra mile to use threats on the concerned parties. And when you come close to the course of an issue they will always wear the victim face. They go on and on how no one treats them the way they deserve. Insert here: Respect is earned. Well, mostly. Or isn’t it?

Personally, I have walked through this struggle before. Not to this extreme though. But I did some times try to instill so badly these feelings of being unloved, unworthy or unwanted. I realized It is easy to become captive of it if : If you are not contented with yourself. If you are fighting unspoken battles. If you are looking for an easier way out. If you are seeking to escape responsibility. If you find yourself trapped in not knowing what it is you want or how it is you desire your life to be like. If you feel entirely entitled to be served by others. If you always expect others to behave or act in the way your brain shows they should. If you are entirely consumed in the “me mentality“ And so on. Trust me all this will lead you into this pit hole, because sadly, things will not always go your way. They never always do despite who you are.

Depending on what you have been through, you have the right to feel distrustful of other people’s intentions towards you. But on the other hand, isn’t it such an exhausting burden to hoard? You can’t conclude that everyone is out to get you because one person did you wrong. I’m convinced we all live by faith. What justice are you doing yourself by feeding your mind that everyone is always against you and all they are waiting for is your downfall? Why not concentrate your focus on the positive and the much you can actually control?

Boy, I know in a world full of so much hate, ignorance, all in one pot negativity and adding to that the prescribed and expected fulfillment of particular societal standards, how challenging it can be to love oneself fully and at the same time be open to let others love you and believe in that love, whether or not they keep validating you or not.

It’s tough to grow thick skin on these streets. However, an admirable favor you can do yourself is let people who genuinely want the best for you and care about you in. And these handful of people are always by you and easy to recognize. Trust me they will come in handy those moments you feel depressed or lose a grip of yourself.

I’m still on this journey of learning to fully love and accept myself. Believe beyond doubt that I’m loved, worthy and accepted just the way I am. And when I feel otherwise, have courage to confront uncomfortable situations seeking to find direction. Be open and have space to learn and do better. Be vulnerable enough to ask for help and accept help. Internalize and integrate that into my daily handlings.

So yes, I’m proud to feel deserving of the love that surrounds me. I hope you feel this love too within and around you. Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Be thankful that you at least recognize it. There are many gorgeous humans drowning in sorrow and sliding into depression because at times they just can’t recognize it or keep fighting and shutting it out.

I strongly believe that each one of us has those constants, be it family or friends, (and it doesn’t have to be a crowd) that will always root for you. Your job is to discern them and be intentional in making your life as vibrant and meaningful as you can with or through them. What do you have to loose anyway?

Stay blessed

11 Comments

  • Amara

    Lovely piece. So grateful for the love I give and share.

    I know some people like this. Sadly the love they got or still getting from families and friends are not enough. They have issues with their personalitiy traits and some other ish like temperaments.

    Thank you for inspiring me this Monday morning. I will reach out those friends today as I haven’t in a long while.

    Have a good day
    Amara

  • MARY W. K.

    Wow! Thanks dear for sharing this with us. Let’s appreciate the love we receive and give as much love in return. However, when it comes to people’s behavioral characteristics on matters of love and relarionships, it’s a bit more complex. This is because some factors such as personality type, parenting style, social factors, previous experiences among others play an integral role on how different persons love and perceive love. Some effects of the named factors are long term thus nothing much can be done. But we can always focus our energy on the positive side, accept the past, and enjoy what we have now.

    • Ciru

      Yes I see your point and agree that so many factors come in play for us turning out how we do. But when we see a problem we shouldn’t just ignore it but tackle it head on. There is so much we keep inside instead of letting it out and letting others who want to help us help us.
      See my point

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