She never thought she would have to live with her gruesome childhood shadowing her every move. And she never wished for that. She never knew she would painfully have to live with the trauma. She has lived with fear inside of her. Fear of the known and the unknown?
This is how it began.
She was a tiny little human being. One of the good ones. At least she believed that. She received love from far wide and center. Her parents adored her past the fact that she was their first and only daughter. She believed everyone around her loved her and always meant well. She was shy, always has been. Her smile even as a child brightened the darkest cloud.
She had a lot of friends. Her elder brother always accompanied her to nursery school. They started school together and were each other’s protector. He played with the boys and she played with the girls.
Every girl envied her. Her beauty in their eyes was vivid. The girls showered her with praises all the time. They wished to be close to her. And she opened her heart for them. They wished to have come from the same family. Those families with a name.
She freely loved people. Played with everyone. Shared her food with anyone. Sat next to anyone and cared for everyone.
One day during break time, she went outside with her friends to play as they usually did. She can’t remember quit well what game they were playing but it involved a lot of running, noise and laughter.
Mostly children don’t sweat. So amidst all that she can’t recall any sweat drops on the other kids foreheads.
She was about 5 years old. It must have been a very long break for what happened next.
The boys were playing football. With the ball been hand made from worn out plastic paper bags of all colors and wrapped up in dirty and torn up socks. The football ball was bigger than the girls ball. It was almost the size of a well fed up gluttons head. Yes, there were those children who were known to be gluttonous. Those piggish children who stole food from other children. You must have encountered one or two of those.
It had to be around noon time. The sun was scorching ruthlessly on the children’s tiny brown or rather discolored afros. Birds singing while hiding under the leaves avoiding the burning sun. Some birds stuck around to watch the children play. Some maybe wondered whether each of those kids knew what their future held.
Then he appeared. She can’t remember exactly from where he came from. She doesn’t remember seeing him coming their way. He just stood there. In the middle of all the girls. She just remembers he was wearing some blue jeans and covered his head with the grey hood he was wearing.
Then he started talking and befriending the little girls. He seemed nice. Well dressed at least he didn’t scare any of the children . In a few minutes all the girls were jumping up and down as if waiting for him to join them in play.
He did one better on the vulnerable girls. He promised to buy them some sweets. They were all excited. Then he asked them who they thought would go with him to bring the sweets.
Well the shops were 10-15minutes away from the nursery school. One or two girls volunteered. They were not picked. Some said She should go with him and bring them. She, doesn’t remember if he agreed to the vote of the other little girls or if he chose her. She always felt like he specifically chose her.
Backtrack. She wonders one too many times where her two nursery school teachers were at that very moment. Why were all the children playing outside without the watch of at least one of the teachers. She wonders why he picked her and none of the little girls said no, or run to report that she left with a stranger.
Off and away she went with a stranger. Tiny timid stupid and most of all innocent like a goat following its master to a slaughterhouse.
From her judgment over the years, the stranger must have been at least between 16 and 25 years old.
The way to the shopping center involved walking past bushes and coffee plantations. Narrow footpaths that had the coffee plants hitting your face as you walked past them. The coffee plants were tall they made a good hiding place for the evil.
The stranger and she walked through a few of the coffee plantations, still a few meters from her school. He didn’t lead her far away. He asked her to sit down. Being an obedient innocent girl who was constantly told to obey the older people she sat.
She can remember saying to him that she wanted to go back to her friends in class. That she didn’t care for the sweets anymore. What she forgets is how fast he got into her pants. She can’t forget the pain she felt between her legs. She can remember crying and asking him to stop. She remembers how tight he held her and asked her to be quiet. He went on and on at the same time threatening her. She remembers he told her that if she mentioned it to anyone she would be in trouble.
She was numb and can’t recall how long the ordeal went on. He put on his pants and asked her to go back to school. She remembers the faul smell and slimy mucus stuff on her vagina area. Her pant was wet.
Just like that a stranger had cruelly and brutally stolen her innocence. And at 5 years old she was introduced to sex.
(Part 2…continuation next blog post)