She. Healing. Reality. 3

October 5, 2018 / 16 Comments

Having to cope with pain inflicted on you by someone else physically, mentally and emotionally has had to be the most challenging thing in her life.

After twenty something years of bearing this heavy burden alone, she couldn’t do it any longer. She battled on and off depression episodes. She smiled on covering her bruised underneath.

She refused to have one more sleepless night. She confided in someone who purely loves her. That person held her down. Held her till her tear glands were exhausted. Gained a pinch of her trust and just then she realized there are truly God sent humans.

She took a leap of faith and told her story to two more people. They didn’t love her any less. She was surprised they understood her.

She has waited long enough to bare herself naked to the world. To share her story. She has read and heard over and over again stories of women and men who were sexually taken advantage of. She cringes to such inhumanity. She hopes letting it all go out will heal her and the broken pieces will eventually attach one by one and make her whole again.

She wishes to be strong enough to tackle a day at a time. She admitted that she can’t change her past. And that is why she will do anything to make each day better for her.

She has been wrong all this time thinking it was her fault that she was raped. How could it be? She never asked for it. She has no business being ashamed of what other perverts did to her.

It is wrong and unfair that she has punished herself over the years over something she never had control over. She sighs thinking of the much time she has wasted on reliving the awful memories and wishing some kind of miracle would come save her.

She sure can’t change her past but she can light her now and her tomorrow. She knows she is not alone in this journey. She has read many similar stories from bold people and that has given her strength. She finds comfort from your kinds words.

She gets encouraged by people who share their acceptance and coping strategies. She says thank you to all of you who listen and seem to always say something positive. The world deserves you.

For now she only has this to say. If you went through such animosity, do not hate yourself. Do not be ashamed to share with someone, because for sure it does get better. You cope better and begin to love yourself beyond your imagination.

You don’t let any pervert steal your joy. You don’t give them that power. Don’t give them the privilege and satisfaction by hating on yourself. Focus the little strength you have to fighting for you. Fight for your sanity.

And for these rapists, and their horrendous acts I can only wish there is a judgment in line for them and that justice will be served one way or the other if that hasn’t happened yet.

Sending you love and warm hugs.

Ps: This is not only for her but for all the persons who have lost a piece of theirs to such animosity. So feel free to share my story with your friends.

16 Comments

  • Esther Njeri

    October 5, 2018 at 4:45 pm Reply

    Grace, I get saddened and tearful to hear what you have gone through, it gets personal and I share your pain. I remember you from highschool, a bubbly and kind girl, would never have imagined what you have gone through. It must have taken real courage to share this and I thank you, for because of you, other wronged girls and women whose lives are getting eaten away by depression are going to see this and be empowered by your courage.
    It was never your fault but that of a rotten society. I am sorry for the years you felt of less worth , but I cannot be sorry enough. I wish it never happened.
    You are not alone and you never will be. You are great, an inspiration, loved, very worthy and enough. Girl, keep shining, the world is happier because of fighters and overcomers like you.

    • Ciru

      October 5, 2018 at 9:01 pm Reply

      Thank you Esther for your very kind words.
      I hope my story can be an awakening for the healing process of just another girl who has gone through the same.

  • Ann Kiarie

    October 5, 2018 at 8:32 pm Reply

    Many hugs namesie, your courage is on another level, any tym i see your post i long to read; for it always has a new lesson, brings new hopes to discouraged souls like yours, may you continue soaring higher darln.

  • ezzyie

    October 5, 2018 at 9:19 pm Reply

    Shiro😢😢😢😢😢!!! You are so strong!! We can never let other people’s actions define us, good, bad, ugly or gruesome. Im happy you chose to take your power back and heal this wounds cruelly inflicted on the little innocent girl you were. Thank you for telling your story. Sending you love! My heart feels so heavy but at the same time happy because things can only get easier hence forth. It’s sad and scary what scars we carry and yet they still do not define us. You go on and keep shining and blessing the world with your beautiful smile.

  • mercy wanjiru

    October 6, 2018 at 10:59 pm Reply

    I can’t even begin to comprehend what you’ve been through all these years. You are a strong woman, kudos!
    Take heart, With God by your side, their’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

    Much love and keep soldiering on, your future is bright.

  • Nathalie

    October 7, 2018 at 6:28 pm Reply

    You are so amazingly strong!!
    Other than that- I am speechless! Speechless by the cruelty of humans, by the years of your silent suffering.
    Thank you, simply thank you for sharing this!

Leave a comment