I thought to start off with a few simple questions.
How do you feel when you help someone?
Do you love to hear a thank you?
Do you forget and walk away after you helped someone?
Do you dwell there and expect them to pay you back?
You might have someone who came through for you at one point when you hit rock bottom. Might be a relative. (Usually is). You might find these characters will sometimes or always try to make you feel small years later. It can be they helped you directly or through someone.
Some of these characters will make you feel like they want you to bow down for them anytime. Or narrate to others in their presence how God sent them to you. A simple oral thank you is not enough for them. They probably want you to slaughter a goat and invite the whole village to show how grateful you are that they helped you.
When you meet these characters, you will always feel like you owe them (they find a way to make you feel so). Not a good feeling. You feel like you have to adjust to be how they want to see you at that moment and this is toxic.
There are definitely certain characters I’ve witnessed both directly and indirectly, who after a fall out will count to you everything they have ever done for you. Isn’t that total BS? Hilarious too. But also sad. And they will let people around them know what they did for you. Paint a very ugly picture of you for their friends to see and try to poison your mutual friends minds to dislike you.
They can’t talk about the nice things you also did for them because they are so consumed in their anger. And excuse me, aren’t friendships or relationships supposed to be two way and not one sided? So you also did something for them to land that title, “friends”.
If you have gone through this there is only much you can do. Move forward and accept that people come into your life to teach you one thing or another.
Some of them will even keep reminding you how they helped you and you get to a point where you don’t even know how to keep up with that relationship.
If it is family you are doomed to meet up here and there and maybe another family member will whisper to you about the help you got and wasn’t grateful about. Sucks!
This is one reason many families are too scandalous and fall apart. Like petty stuff. Why won’t you want to see your brother or sister or nephew or niece or friend prospering? Sort out the issues between you and help each other to achieve your dreams.
I mean, can’t people just uplift others without expectations? Can’t you help another person because you are in a position to help and just turn around and leave it to God. You know, “tenda wema nenda zako” (Do good and walk away)
There are two simple things I personally love. Thank you and Sorry. Where it is due. And for me it is enough when it is said. I don’t really need a physical or materialistic thank you gift. I consciously try not to expect too much from anyone I help because I feel the universe finds ways to thank me.
The good we do to and for other people comes back to us knowingly or unknowingly. You just need to reflect on your life and you will see your deeds were paid in different forms.
Also know that not everyone is meant to be your friend for life. Some people cross your life once or twice just to help you at that certain point and they go. And vice versa. Don’t dwell in trying to save all your relationships with the hundreds of people you have met. At times you just need to let go.
If you keep expecting things from people around you, you will waste too much time and energy and end up spoiling beautiful relationships with your friends or relatives. Invest that energy in wanting to do good and actually doing it. Leave the rest to the universe or to God.
Adjust your expectations of other people and you will realize no one will really disappoint you.