I have often been confused at times trying to figure out what kind of a person I really am to myself and to others. I’ve been (and still am) on a journey of trying to deeply connect with myself and trying to find myself away from who I associate with, be it family, friends or otherwise.
It is tricky having too many friends. I see good in people, I make friends too fast, and when we connect I find I can call you my friend. I have misused the word friend long enough until I got to realize the power of the word acquaintance. Huge difference.
I realized it is very easy to loose a part of yourself to someone you are always with or close to like a very close friend. Mostly, you might end up losing a greater part of you to a partner unknowingly . I have experienced that and I have seen people around me do so.
Something happened in the beginning of the year that made me be very intentional with who I associate myself with, who I invite to my space, who I choose to show up for and in equal measure what tags I give the people around me.
I find it corny when someone says how good of a person they are. Like,”I’m a good person.” (Kudos to you if your actions and values translate to good and you know it). But some of us have to really inspect our actions before we blurt out how good we are or believe we are because we outright consciously or unconsciously hurt other people with our actions.
Note, it isn’t wrong to know and confidently acknowledge how good you are. Extensively, it is very important and even a blessing to realize it. It could be your shield when others don’t notice or appreciate the good you are and the good you do.
I am a good friend to many. A great friend to some. And I sometimes blindly think I’m on the same boat with some of my “friends” when clearly some of them don’t see me in the same light I see them. I have seen myself naively try to cling on to some friendships and try to revive some but it clearly isn’t what the other side wants. I’m learning to let go. To declutter friendships that served their purpose and don’t have to be anymore.
Friendships can be a roller coaster sometimes. In some, you fight, hurt each other, reconcile, laugh, be great again and most importantly learn a lot from and that is so beautiful. But in some you might or will find yourself beat to the ground and even forgiveness can’t bring you back to how things were. It is okay to forgive and at the same time to let those go. If you don’t see the purpose of that friendship and it no longer serves you then move on swiftly. Concentrate on those that make you grow. Whatever growth means to you.
I hope you have meaningful, valuable and beautiful friendships that you enjoy and that it doesn’t feel like a task hanging out with those you call FRIENDS.