I feel so good. Maybe even high. On a high so great I want to float there for a long while. I celebrated my dear friend on his birthday and being in that space felt quite refreshing. This space oozes selflessness and love. A group of people from different walks of life coming together on a Tuesday night to celebrate life, ah if this isn’t love. I haven’t been to a party in a while and for me to leave a 12 hr shift and step into a bar till midnight and have to work the next day is a big deal. My watered-down Vodka O might have played a…

Having lost my mum at the age of 9 you would assume that by now I have moved on. I compartmentalized my emotions all through my childhood and teenage years. I confronted this trauma in my twenties. Having a strong and patient support system who values open communication and helps you go deep into your core eases you to slowly open up the little boxes suppressed in the corners of your brain. So once I felt safe enough to open these boxes I embarked on my healing journey. Contrary to how my peers might have experienced me, I was a hurting child carrying burdens I didn’t have words for. I…

I was in Nairobi at my dad’s sister’s house. I was passively watching television in the evening when my mommy’s elder sister came in. A few hours prior, my auntie had received a telephone call. Telling from her posture, mimic, and tone, it didn’t seem to be good news. She gasped and I felt that something dark had happened. I am one who has always needed confirmation. I hate to assume stuff. So I sat there my heart racing fast not knowing how to behave. I acted as if I wasn’t in the room but I could feel my aunt’s gaze on me. I glanced at her and saw her…

Today is that day,  Just like a worker without pay,  The emptiness in my soul,  Feels like the universe plays foul,  And every cell in my body screams sadness,  For I miss my mother’s kindness.   Sometimes things happen at random,  And it becomes so hard to fathom,  For a moment we lose our identity, To the depth of loss and growth of curiosity,  Until in our hearts there is no space for light,  To guide us we try to find ourselves and fight.    I remember your youthful and beautiful face,  So full of life, love, and grace, Your commitment to everything you loved,  Your radiant smile as your…

Yesterday, 18.4.2020 marked 19 years since my mother passed away. On this date every year for the past few years  I have written something down in her memory. Yesterday was a bit different. I could feel that something was bugging me but I couldn’t place what it was. My feelings weren’t alright and it is only later in the afternoon that a person dear to me called me and mentioned they were checking on me because it was that day. Wrapping my mind to what day it was it just occurred to me that it was my mothers memorial. I felt guilty for not remembering something so close to my…