What’s your concept of beauty? Coz someone called me ugly.

About a month or so ago I randomly met an acquaintance in the mall, chitchatted a bit and parted ways. They later called me and I was a bit surprised they even had my phone number because it had been years since we last met. They went ahead to tell me that there was something they wanted to tell me but they couldn’t because they thought I would be angry. Yo! if you want to tell someone something then just do it and if not don’t even mention that there is something you would like to say. It sucks to keep someone guessing. So this person went ahead to tell me in what seemed more of a statement than a question, why I am not as beautiful as I used to be. I was taken aback by what they said and I asked them to expound on what they meant. They asked me to look at myself in the mirror.

My physical appearance wasn’t as appealing to them now than the last time they saw me and they felt the need to directly tell me. I didn’t want to go back and forth discussing why they thought so. Was I gonna try to convince them to see me as beautiful? Hell no! Is this how direct we have become in trying to bring someone down? How can someone directly tell you you are not beautiful? For the first time in my entire life someone directly told me I was ugly. Ugly! Was I gonna cry and starve myself to death because 1 human being told me such a mean thing? Aren’t these the kind of things you are allowed to think but not say? We every day find attractive people and some not so attractive but you don’t go telling people they are not attractive or that they are ugly. No? And if you do what do you want to achieve?

I watched a video that recently went viral of a little 4yr old black girl who uttered that she was ugly when she looked in the mirror. How does such a young girl come up with that? Isn’t it hearing from other kids in school? And where do kids learn from? From us grown-ups. From how we speak to each other in front of our kids. I am lucky that I came from a family that instilled in me the confidence to believe that I am as beautiful as it gets just the way I am. Unfortunately some girls and boys grow up constantly being reminded that they don’t measure up to a certain beauty standard because they are either too tall, too short, too thick, too thin, too dark, too light-skin and so forth. Using “too” to describe someone’s appearance is for me inappropriate and insulting.

I do try my best not to compare people and most importantly not their looks. And true, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is important to always remember that some people will find you gorgeous, charming, extremely beautiful and others will find you the complete opposite. You can never be enough for everyone. That’s why there are a billion-plus of us, so people can go search and settle for their preferences.

The important thing is to speak positivity to yourself. As often as you can because life happens and we sometimes seem to forget how amazing and beautiful we are. And in those times we forget we are likely to become more vulnerable to bullys and trolls. Often remember to believe in the one you see in the mirror. To affirm the image you see as often as you need to. To love yourself in the package you come in. To love and embrace your body in the shape and form it is in. To be kind to it. To speak life to it. To lovingly and tenderly change the little aspects of it that make YOU unhappy, and without outside pressure. Not for anyone to glorify it but for you to love, guard and care for it. To realize that beauty isn’t wholly physical but also your inside matters. If you embrace this and keep reminding yourself that, then you possess the power to guard your self-esteem. And believe me no one, not even when they say it to your face with make you think otherwise. You won’t let their frustrations, issues and mean words rub on what you believe you are.

Build on that courage every day and also remind those little girls and boys of how beautiful and smart they are. Encourage and help them to build their self-esteem because unfortunately the streets are mean. One thing I took from this person telling me I wasn’t beautiful is, I got inspired to remind others that they are beautiful too. And I am one hell of a beautiful woman. In and out. So believe me when I tell you you should believe in yourself.

I believe I am beautiful and my opinion on that is the most important of all.


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