Uncertainty of freedom (2)
Tick Tock Tick Tock Time’s still ticking.
You decide to take up on a language course. You catch up so fast and is among the best in class. Along the way someone sells you the idea of going abroad. To Germany of course since you are studying German. You have mastered the language enough to borrow water but you never ever thought Germany was the place for you.
USA was always your dream destination. You have family that always psyched you up to finish school and they would get you to the States. Done with school and none of them remembers how they gassed you up. They don’t even have your number. You aren’t even shocked.
But here you are, trying to remember what you learnt in your history class about Germany. At least you remember Adolf Hitler and the world wars. How can you forget that. You spent too much time cramming the causes of the World war one and two and the similarities of both wars and their differences from the Cold war.
People talk you out of going to Germany. Why? Because racism. It gets to your head somehow. Why would you go looking for racism when no one has chased you out of your country. Well, you discover another country called Austria. You almost forgot of it’s existence but you remember your history teacher definitely mentioned it as Austria-Hungary. You don’t remember when the division occurred but this time it’s okay because you don’t have to fill in the gap on a history paper.
You realize in awe that they speak German. This information would have been useful if the History teacher hadn’t forgotten to mention it. It’s apparently easier to acquire an Austrian Visa than a German one. So you heard. Maybe because it isn’t as well known and not so many people visit there. You can’t tell for sure.
You step in one foot and say why not. Abroad is abroad. Austria it is. Still you don’t know much about the country. You don’t even think of racism. By the way, not Australia. Europe and not Australia. You begin the most daunting journey you could ever have imagined. It is too exhausting and expensive to fit again in this post. Refer (https://wanjirusworld.wordpress.com/2015/08/24/my-travel-story-2013/)
It is nearly two years after you finished Highschool. In two years a lot has happened. Good and bad. A lot has changed. You felt you were not too idle, but you could have done much more. Don’t you now and then feel you should be doing more? Too many ups and downs. Constantly beating yourself up, and for the most part sweating stuff that wasn’t in your control.
Several years have passed and you did pick yourself up. You pay taxes. Hurray! 🙄 You realized there are very many factors that influenced the choices you made and choices you didn’t make.
But you are still here living a descent life. You recognized things that work for you and mastered an art of discerning things that aren’t for you. Growth. You are also trying to find out what more you can give to the world without having to pay taxes.
You have grown. Sure you haven’t had it all easy, but the universe has made a way for you to surround you with what you need when you need it and in every form you need it. All the anxiety you experienced, all the hurt, the fear, all the tears have been shaping you on your journey and you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t go through the path you did. You praise Jesus coz none of what you’ve gone through is written on you. Only you knows for sure. So you rejoice in the “little” and “small” achievements you have made.
Sure, we always wonder how it would be if it was the other appealing way, but sadly we will never know. Recognizing what you have and where you are right now, and not comparing your life with those you think have it all, and doing what you can with what you have at this moment, and not losing hope to do and be better is such a gift.
So my dear, you might be in this period described above where you feel lost or stuck. And unfortunately it doesn’t only happen after you are done with Highschool, could be you feel lost after your Masters degree or just whenever, I feel the best you can do is seek guidance from that person or those persons you look up to for advice, listen to your instincts and try be as responsible as you can be for your life.
Your path is your path and after all, things do happen the way they were intended to happen. You only have so much control. You can’t control everything in your life.
Cheers to the life you choose!
Share with me below if you relate with whatever you just read. Encourage anyone who might be feeling lost and stuck right now. Those who still struggle to find their purpose. Did you feel lost after Highschool? What did you do?
Love it. Thank you for this mama. Love & Light always
Love & light hun
I am reading your content so greedily! Wow. You are a great writer. 🙂
haha thank you girl.