Unappreciated efforts

   thank you

You do try. You use everything in your reach to make your life livable. You often juggle to make the lives of those you care about „easier“. You make a lot of sacrifices for others. You give back to people you don’t know and have never even met. You extend your resources over and over again to those who feel entitled. You want to be accorded respect for that. You want your name in everyone’s breath. At times you feel unappreciated, taken for granted but you still do it again.

Think of all the good you have done. Oh, you can’t stop. Think of all the times anyone appreciated your efforts. Few times right? Think of that time someone mistook your kindness for weakness. That one time someone repaid your generosity with cruelty. How does it make you feel right now? Probably a mixture of emotions. You see, those emotions are not to be ignored. You are supposed to feel them. And while sobering up, pick up the lesson each emotion unravels.

Will you stop being kind because someone else was cruel to you? Will you stop sacrificing all together because there is no reward?

Maybe some of these emotions will teach you to be more intentional with your actions. Maybe they will teach you how to discern who to squeeze your finances and other resources for and in what manner. Maybe they will teach you to do good and not to expect a reward of equal measure from the person(s) you extended your resources to. Maybe they will lead you to acknowledge, accept, and honor a simple “thank you” and not to always expect a tangible action of gratitude in return.

Maybe they will teach you to know your why. The drive. Is your drive to do good led by a yearning to receive compliments, praises, and to be worshipped? Maybe these emotions will teach you to stop thinking so highly of yourself to a point you convince yourself everybody owes you something. Maybe the lesson will be to learn how to extend the same actions to yourself first. To be a bit selfish and to satisfy your needs before doing so for others. Let your home exude joy before you bring joy to another.

All the things you do that you feel go unseen are rewarded in tenfolds, but most times you won’t recognize it because you are so fixated on one subject. If nobody forces you to do something and it comes from a place of love and content, the joy and peace you experience doing it should count for something. So you should either stop having very high expectations of others or you should adapt them to a degree where you won’t be excessively disappointed. Keeping in mind that where you expect something there is bound to be a dissatisfaction.


  • MARY W. K.

    Great article.
    I find myself confused when it comes to this subject. This is because I find myself trying to do good for others, be kind, and helpful without any expectations. However, sometimes I want to hear a thank you, feel a pat on the back, or just get something in return to make me know that I had an impact on someone. I guess it’s human nature to want to matter. We all want to hear that we are appreciated, that what we did or said counted for something. Worst case scenario is when you keep extending your kindness and generosity to people who feel ‘entitled’. Like its their right to get whatever it is from you and if it is not possible due to one reason or another, you become the enemy. This is draining. All said and done, don’t ever stop being kind and helpful to others. But only do it when you can and at your own pace. And while at it, don’t break your back coz you need it to stand for your kind self!

  • wambui nganga

    Nice read.
    i totally agree with most of what you have written and i would add on to say that tenda wema nenda zako. Stop expecting that people will acknowledge your deeds whether done in good faith or not, it all goes wrong when we have acknowledgement entitlements and that’s why one feels frustrated when the deed is not recognized.

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