You gasp in a long breath of fresh air, let it in deep to your air sacs. While doing this, thoughts are brutally criss crossing your mind. You don’t know which one to hang on to or which one to let go. Then almost as magically it’s just one sinister thought that finds its way to your at most consciousness. You breathe out and whisper to the world what seems to you like a victorious achievement ” I’m Single.”
Those words feel too powerful they tend to form a sneaky subtle smile at the corners of your lips. The freedom you feel is reasonably or unreasonably overwhelming. At this point you feel re-baptized. (Like literally). Newly Reborn, Renewed and given another chance to be happier than before.
You get very excited at the thought of not having to explain your moves and every action to anyone leave alone to the “ex” You are welcomed to the world of singles with shots of your best drink.
What no one prepares you to expect is, the insurmountable obstacles you are likely to face. It’s just you against the hawks with sharp claws. Or do I say the hungry drooling (MAFISI) hyenas.
Some people can not believe you are finally single. Some are skeptical and give you an ultimatum till you get back to the “ex” Some can’t wait to get to squarely screw you. Some can’t wait to take over your damn story like hungry journalists and spread it like they getting paid. Some will be sorry for you. Some will pity you and think you will never settle. Some will say, “mmh I told ya. It was long overdue.”
Insecurities crawl in and once in a while you wonder, whether you will get a “replacement bae?” Or will you end up being alone. Oh! you remember you are in your twenties and furthermore there is a great saying that boldly says, “There is someone for everyone” you smile again.
At times you can’t help but compare where you are in life with where your friends or people you know are. (Not a good idea). You somehow find consolation in the fact that you have no wrinkles yet and your joints don’t crack when you bend over. Yes, young and full of life. Busy with whatsoever you are doing at the moment, be it school or work or whatever.
You can’t wait to turn up. Meet, great, talk, flirt, kiss new people and if you are lucky enough, end up on a strangers bed and wake up with their scent all over you. You are free! Again, once in a while you wonder if the “ex” is taking it as well as you are. You get used to being Single when it dawns on you that the “ex” moved on faster than you expected.
That’s when it hits you that you actually wanted to make right choices and follow a different fulfilling path. Almost everyone that hits on you is disqualified straight on. They don’t team up to your “wants.” You get picky. Those you like don’t like you back in that way. You whine how unfair life is. Along the way you make a few more not great choices.
You might find yourself entangled between two or more lovers. (The ones you decide to give a benefit of doubt).Scandalous affairs become your shadow. On the extreme you win a title as (Mpango wa kando), “The other one” or “side bae.” In your new-found freedom you become the captive.
You want your morals, conscience and dignity to guide you but then you are so driven to be happy that you want to explore further. Curiosity won’t let you wear your white cap. You touch the flames with desire ignoring the fact that you are definitely bound to get burned. You promise yourself that this time you won’t fall too deep.
You think you are happy because your definition of happiness is blurred. Is a few minutes or few hours of pleasure what drives you? You can’t figure it out yet. What you don’t realize is you end up sulking from unsatisfaction of what you keep getting. You still want more, but you keep stumbling and crumbling in the wrong places and in no time you crumble. You find yourself soaking in a horrifying corner.
Why won’t you sit down and think of what you really really want? When will you stop letting other people define you? When will you realize what real happiness is? When will you take charge and just do you? When will you come out of that closet and show the world who you really are? When will you exercise your full potential? What are you afraid of? Is it your past experiences? You ask yourself all these questions and many more on a daily basis. You get so close to the last resort, Hopelessness.
Fortunately you are not a baby anymore and along the way you have picked up great lessons. You do not let yourself lose it. You are not weak. You are a beautiful work of art made in God’s image. You raise up, dust yourself up and recite to your soul what you have learned. What would your life be like if you never went through what you did? Actually, the answer is, it would be nothing because you didn’t live it any other way. You can never go back and relive it. You only move forward in hope, strength and in faith.
Your past will always be present. It will never go away. The greatest gift you can offer yourself is learning how to deal and live with it. Accepting that it is part of your story. Becoming a stronger and a better being regardless of the past. However, it’s easier said than done, I know. I promise you there is always a way to deal with anything that seems impossible to overcome. Not forgetting that your day-by-day account is your chronicle. The strength is in your hands to make it as beautiful and as appealing as you want it to be.
Mutual love is beautiful. When in love, you shouldn’t forget that you are an individual who should stand out and not follow any path prescribed to you by anyone. Do you! Learn well from mistakes made! Love right and find true happiness. Ciao