Can we put some respect on our money? Yes please!
Let’s talk about money from a different dimension. ”Confirmative amnesia is a disease whereby the person you send money to doesn’t call you back to confirm whether they received it. They wait for you to call and enquire. Doctors say it’s commonly found in relatives and close family members, mainly in Africa.”
Someone posted the above in one of the WhatsApp groups I am in and it caused a lot of motion and laughter from the members. I guess it is because they related to it. I don’t know how to go around this topic without making it personal and without catching feelings. Well, this blog is a personal one and is based on my experiences and perspectives. So let’s see how emotional I get. I wonder how many people out there have gone through the same. If you are reading this I would love to hear your sentiments on this in the comment section if you don’t mind.
Well, it is a habit I have seen around me, and sadly from people I highly think of. I have had conversations with people narrating their frustrations about the above named confirmative amnesia. The question we ask a lot is, how can someone afford the means to ask/borrow/loan money from someone and once granted they suddenly lose the means to confirm the reception? The lender has to go the extra mile to follow up if the person received an amount sent.
You could say there is some entitlement of gratitude in play here. Yes and of course there is nothing wrong with that when it has to do with something as delicate. If you help someone and they call you back or write to you a simple thank you, it does boost you to continue doing good. No? Or are we supposed to take absolutely anything and always live by „Tenda mema nenda zako?“ (Do good and leave/let it be) It is a good way to live and if you have mastered that, good for you. On the other hand, if you completely rely on people thanking you for every little help you give, then you might never do anything good. That is just how it is.
If I send you lets say 10K from the goodness of my heart, I like to think the natural response should be you make some form of contact with me to let me at least know you received the money. That is important because how else should I know if the money got lost in the waves or not. Right? It isn’t plainly because I‘m dying to hear your gratitude and that for some reason I want you to massage my ego. Because I think this is what many people think. You didn’t have that 10K, to begin with. Take a 100 bob from it and use it to send me a confirmation of some sort and then we are good. Just don’t wait for me to ask you a month later if you received what I sent you. Or even worse don’t wait for the next time you will be in need to say something. It honestly shouldn’t work that way. Do we agree?
I feel like it is morally incorrect to be entitled to peoples help and in this case to peoples money. That element of entitlement eminently shows when there is a lack of gratitude and when elements of blackmail begin to come in play. People are blackmailing each other left right and center into sending money just whenever because the most famous reason being „blood ties“ How I‘m I obliged to save another person from poverty when the ground is shaking beneath my feet? That is one question we fail to ask ourselves that leads us to be enslaved into ideologies that clearly wear us down. We don’t realize how much we contribute to the poverty mentality that we keep growing and find hard to break out of.
No money is earned easily. Not even drug money. We all pay a price for the money we have. Just think about what you have had to sweat to get that little or that much money you have. Just think about the sacrifices you make to send someone else money. As a receiver, just think for a while the sacrifice that that person who sent you money might have had to make so they could send you part of it. How much do you appreciate that effort? How much respect do you give that money?
There is some sort of fulfillment in helping because you can and want to as opposed to when it feels like an obligation. It is a shame that we are sometimes blackmailed over and over again by loved ones into helping. It is a shame that we are deceived into aimlessly sending money and never breaking through because we always find ourselves going back a step behind. It is sad that we knowingly and unknowingly trap and enslave ourselves in the poverty mentality. It is sad that we shy away from unapologetically taking full accountability and usage of our money and let others have an upper hand to it.
I wish we can just begin to respect our money a bit more. I wish we can respect the money we receive from others as help, even in the form of loans. Throw that entitlement out the window because we all want to interact in love and live in harmony. We all want to help when we can. And money being a sensitive topic, it does find a way to come in between our relationships. We have enough broken relationships in the name of money But it isn’t the money, it is us. It is how we handle it when dealing with each other. It is finding the gut to approach me first when you have difficulties in paying me back a loan given informally and based purely on trust and no official document to prove it, and letting me know you are still planning to pay it.
Can we put some respect for our money? Define what that means to you and do it. Take charge!
This is the Truth and nothing but the truth. Happens with me every time I send money to my loves ones back at home.🤔🤔
The truth has to be said sometimes. No?
That phrase of ‘ tenda wema nenda zako’ has to be embraced, although its not right when someone is helped and they fail to say something in return. This lowers someone’s esteem and they might not be in a position to help again. Let us appreciate other people. God bless
Bless you and may you never run out of resources to tenda mema.
This needed to be said, there is a lot of truth here. It really would not hurt to show some appreciation and I feel it is not entitled that I should expect some but I have learnt to keep my expectations low.
I’m mainly replying to this part below,
(“That is one question we fail to ask ourselves that leads us to be enslaved into ideologies that clearly wear us down. We don’t realize how much we contribute to the poverty mentality that we keep growing and find hard to break out of.”)
We have to consider the social-economic status of those we are helping (mostly lower middle class and people living hand to mouth, way below the poverty line) how this comes to play financially and psychological. Our government does very little for its people, if you are poor, you are doomed.
That is where the community comes to play. I’m glad we are born in a communal society where we can uplift each other, I’m not sure what would happen otherwise. When my dad died, my moms fam rallied in, to aid us in whichever way we were lacking. On my moms paycheck alone we would have never made it.
While I feel grateful to my moms family I don’t feel indebted, but I do feel the need to pay forward. The people I choose to help may have become very reliant and dependent on this help, understandably so but I’m grateful to be in a position to pay forward and pray that when they are elevated to a different standard of life they will feel the same way.
I suppose that when one has gone so much without and dealt with scarcity it can prove challenging to adopt a mentality of plenty even when one finally does have more than enough. I think about it as “the circle of life” so it is as much an obligation as it is a choice to help when one can. In world power countries like this (Austria) where the system is for the people and nobody will starve to death, I could possibly adapt this thinking but in 3rd world countries, most of the lower middle class and poor are reliant on goodwill, paying forward and community effort. I only wish they would show a little gratitude but, oh well.
what are your thoughts?
Very important points you put across. I agree that most lower middle class and poor(er) people rely on the good will of the community, however it so happens most of these become too reliant and entitled to this help they receive that gratitude lacks.
I liked that you pointed out about feeling indebted and paying forward. One way I see that is if I receive help from a person, show gratitude for it I shouldn’t necessarily have to pay it back to this person who extended the help. If I‘m blessed I‘ll pay forward by blessing another in need. I think this can help in also lowering our expectations of people we help.
If we can pause for a minute and just try to understand the circle of life we wouldn’t be frustrated every other minute for things beyond our control.
Thank you for your thoughts.