When I die…

Every time I hear of someone having lost someone to death my heart sinks into this dark zone filled with sadness and sorrow. I think of the life of the departed one in the sense that this persons entire plans are cut short just like that. And I really cannot stop thinking about the people that a departed one leaves behind. That makes me feel even sadder. It’s maybe because I have felt the sting that death leaves behind way too close and often.

I like to openly talk about death because it is a part of life that no one can shake off or run from. I hope we are all past the point where we always thought death was a taboo and that talking about it would somehow be calling it towards you. We all know we are not immortal, but we tend to let that rest in our subconscious state and are only reminded of it when someone dies. Death can come knocking at anyone’s door. And that is very scary.

It is even worse that we can’t for 100% sure prove what is after death. We love to know it all, but this is hidden from us. That builds up a reasonable fear in us. Maybe that is one major reason why most of us lean on to religion the way we do. To believe that there is an after life filled with everything good and no suffering is soothing to the soul. To believe that we will be united with those who left before us after we die is very promising and equally exciting. To believe in the version of heaven you have chosen for yourself is calming.

I do think that death has a way to awaken the senses of the living. When someone you know dies, you are left in shock. You probably know the 5 stages of grief and loss: Denial & isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. You go through all that while thinking how short life is. Then you make remarks on how best you will live your life and explore your potential to the maximum. You kind of feel energized to LIVE because you don’t know when you will die. All this time referring to that person you have lost. And that is when it is all too fresh. Time will pass by and you might slowly easen your guard until another person you know passes away. Then it will begin all over again.

But for some people, the death of a very close person will leave them having no motivation to live. The loss of that support figure in your life might shake and crumble your whole existence. I remember how broken and depressed I was the years that followed after my mothers death. I felt so alone in the middle of so many people. I literally wished to die. I became suicidal for the fact that my mommy was no more. It was extremely tough and I cried every day under my blankets. I never let anyone in. Nobody in my family followed up on my feelings related to the loss of my mom. Death was an unspoken topic in my household. I was a 9 yr old and I needed guidance.

I probably didn’t need someone to teach me how to mourn, because there is a degree of that that you can’t teach, but I sure needed someone who actively could walk me through the loss without beating around the bush. I didn’t know how to go looking for this kind of guidance. So I sunk into having dark thoughts. I had no outlet. I developed trust issues. Till this day there are things related to that loss that I have to deal with. Although it is better now than it was then.

Do you ever wonder how your funeral will be like? I never did until recently. And when I did, my mind explored how I treat people. Am I a kind person to others? Whose life have I touched in one way or another? Who among these people will show up for my funeral? How will they do it? Will it be a beautiful send off? Whose gonna pause their everything to come view my body? Will they wear T-shirts with a picture of me on it and will it be accompanied by a soothing bible verse? What picture will they choose to represent my body or the person that I was on that day? Will my eulogy state that I was a blogger? Will the articles I share now make sense only then? Who will read my eulogy? What songs will play? Will there be food? Like good food? Where will I be buried? How many of my pictures will be doing rounds on social media? What will people learn from my departure?

Truth is, this will be none of my business and will be the least of my worries because I won’t be there to even correct anything. Maybe all I can hope for is authenticity at my funeral. For people to be real and honest about the life I led and how it was of significance to them. For people to be comforted by whatever good I was to them. For people to remember that time I made them smile or laugh. For people to forgive themselves for anything they think they might have needed my forgiveness for and to move on from that. Give back all the money they owed me to my next of kin. Lol. That would be very kind and right to do. I don’t know about you but I would like to be celebrated even after death. For those dear to me to keep my memory alive for as long as possible. Don’t let that one thing you admired me for die.

I however do wish people showed up to their own funeral. To have at least one last glance at the the people who lay their body to rest. See or feel the love they are accorded to on that day that they probably never felt in the years they lived.

There is a lot of self awakening in being conscious of the possibility of your own death. You could change some aspects of your life drastically. Knowing you could die anytime would be motivation enough to get out of a comfort zone. You would want to live your life unapologetically and authentically as you define it. In no fear of any judgment. Push just a little harder on ones goals. Put energy on what really matters.

If you may, you would also choose to plan certain aspects of your death or funeral. Be it taking life insurance, make a choice of whether you want to be cremated or buried and even where you want to be buried. You might want to sign documents on organ donation if you wish to. You might want sign a DNI or DNR incase of anything. You may want to write a solid and unbiased will which may state what or how much you give who incase you die. It’s sad to see how broken most families are because someone died without writing a will and the family opted to fight for the wealth left behind. If someone clearly states what they would wish to happen after they die, most people tend to respect them. The law also backs up such official documentation. I feel such things are important.

To talk about death isn’t to mean you wish for it to happen. And how many people have wished to die and they are alive? Many. I do respect whatever your beliefs about death are. And it is up to you as an individual to search within yourself and see what death teaches you.

Some of you will probably think I‘m being suicidal sharing about this topic. I wish to let you know that I‘m not. Everything in my life is fine and I do not wish to die any time soon. I wish to live a long life doing the most I can with what I have. But again, feel free to refer to this article the day you hear of my death.

To long life

I’d love to hear from you regarding the above. Feel free to comment below and share this article if it spoke to you. And if it didn’t you can share your perspective too.