Snippet of my love life.

We all have a story to tell about an ex. I wonder who doesn’t.

If you count yourself as my ex I might be talking about you. If you don’t resonate to anything here and you thought you were my ex mmh we were never a thing, we had a fling.

I was once upon a time a very shy girl when it came to boys. I remember vividly how my walking style changed if I walked past boys or how I innerly begged the grounds to open and swallow me if I felt a boy was watching me.

If I was sent to the shops to buy something and saw boys on the road I would hide behind the bushes till the road was clear off boys. In lower primary, I couldn’t finish my lunch because boys were around and it made me uncomfortable.

I had my first boyfriend in form 3 Highschool and our relationship was defined and sealed with a kiss. That is how I roll. After the exciting grace period of liking, wooing and hunting each other, I like to discuss and define whatever it is we are exploring and hoping for.

One day my parents sat me down in their bedroom and made sure I wasn’t seeing that boy again. Not that I had admitted I was seeing him. I asked for a break from him and we never revisited our broken relationship. We kissed once and broke up. Years later I can say we are friends.

I’m done with Highschool and eagerly waiting to fall in love. Hoping for true honest and real love to knock me down.

It surely does come around. (At least from my side it was). I fall head over heels with this lab technician. I frequently volunteer to be sent to the shop wishing and praying to bump into him. When I do my heart races. I only get to see him on his working days. No extra dates. No romance. No holding hands. I delay at the shopping center so as to catch him on his way home. He walks me home careful not to be seen by my parents or neighbors.

Luckily for me he is afraid of my family at large. He doesn’t go too far to evidently play with me. At least physically he keeps distance. He fears he would get killed. What he doesn’t tell me is, he has another lady he is openly seeing.

His colleague warns me. My heart won’t listen because I trust he would tell me himself. I’m caught up in a drama I have no idea I’m in.

Fast forward. I’m leaving for the city. Nairobi. We have an emotional goodbye. He offers me money. I refuse. I don’t even check how much. I don’t need his money. I’m innocently in love.

I’m awoken from this love trance by a phone call days later. I had called coz I needed to talk to him badly. He didn’t pick up. He calls back the next morning and rudely asks me how I dare call him. He tells me loud and clear “..I’m a one woman man.” Can’t even fathom what he means.

Dumbfounded and unable to comprehend anything he is saying, I sit there. I can’t remember if I cried. I remember calling my best friend later. She nursed my broken heart. She couldn’t mend my broken trust.

He toiled and tossed with my 18 years old heart consciously and much later begged me to forgive him. After he had just had a baby with the other lady. It took time but I forgave him. He will surely read this. He is a fan.

I can admit that this ordeal changed my life and perspective to love.

I’m 19 years old now and I meet this light skinned black gentleman at his workplace. He is all kinds of gorgeous but I’m wide awake and discerning. He steals my number from their log book and contacts me. I’m happy and at the same time feel invaded. I tell him he was wrong. He apologizes and never calls again.

I save his number hoping he will call or text. Months go by but he never does. One day his colleague who is my friend tells me to drop by at their work place. Which I do and I see mr all cuteness in a white coat. He follows me outside and decently requests for my number. Who I’m I to say no. I think I have found the one.

We kicked it off with sending each other numerous texts day and night. My heart was still not open to anyone. But this guy felt right to me. He is mature. We go on our first date in town. We seal our relationship with a kiss on the bus at Railways bus station.

I thought that was the craziest thing I would ever do. Wait! Probably the dumbest thing I did was secretly lick sugar before kissing him so he would always tell me how sweet my lips were. Yes I did that.

I reminisce on that kiss through our one year relationship. He has taken me to his home. I have met his brother and friends. He mentions marriage and my issues and insecurities crawl in. I find fault and I slowly break up with him.

At almost 20 I feel I have bigger dreams than marriage. I think I have much more to look forward to than settling just like that. If this love is meant to be it can wait.

Years later, he is married to a gorgeous woman and has a beautiful kid. We talk now and then and he has done well for himself.

Out on the dating scene, having fun here and there. Consciously and subconsciously making clear and stupid mistakes. Going out with guys who don’t know what they really want. Neither of us wanting to commit. Living forever young and yolo kind of lifestyles.

21 finds me an all rounded grown mature girl. So I tell myself. I’m too thirsty for the future though. I move to Europe and my love life takes a whole different turn. (post for another time)

All these relationships taught me something. I would be dumb if I din’t learn anything . Somehow they prepared me for the future. What I am now I wouldn’t be if I din’t go through each one of them.

For those who broke my heart I forgave them a long time ago. I have no bile and hold no grudges. Actually thank you for having taught me something.

But also I think the world would be a much better place if no one played with another’s heart or feelings. Young girl, young boy be careful who you let in to your circle. Love right and don’t be stupid in love. Define what you really want for your life and work towards that.

What is your story?