Imperfect Duo

I am super duper in love with my parents. And not just for their looks but for all they do and have had to do for their kids. The imperfect duo that gave me a home, and even when we disagree they are still home. A beautiful set sent only for my heart to experience not only, the beauty of humble beginnings but the elaborate joy of a firm family.

You are a true testimony that the have-nots have enough. Your sweat and hard work have led to greatness, not incomprehensible to every human but at least to me and 6 others, your lifeline continues.

I give you your flowers now and hope you smell them on earth and beyond. I bless your giving hearts. I appreciate every sacrifice known and unknown to me that you ever made for us to laugh another day. May your well of love continue to overflow. And even when we fall short may home be always there for us. My siblings and I.

Dad, there is so much of me I see in you. And only as an adult do I understand how hard it is to be human. A daughter that doesn’t disagree with her father on certain things hasn’t lived. Wueh! The reality is that we will never agree 100 percent on certain aspects and that is our authentic human experience. I feel lucky because we overcome those moments the best way we know how. Sometimes that means silence. There is beauty in silence and not always having to talk back and prove yourself. I don’t remember one time you raised your voice at me, but the lectures you have given me are enough for this lifetime haha. In them is where I find love and discipline. That fine line of fear is fading as I grow older.

I used to feel controlled by you. Now I see it as the values you so much wanted to instill in me following me everywhere I go. Reminding me of what is right and wrong. That right there is proof that you parented me. Now, our rights and wrongs may not always match, but I know deeply that you trust that I will be okay. I take people’s pain as mine and that as much of a curse as it may be, is a bigger blessing. That came from you. I know no other dad but only you. I pray that we continue to patiently hold space for one another in our individual paths. I will forever be your little girl.

Mum, I am sorry I am not as stylish as you are. I wish I can match how beautifully you show up to any occasion, but you know what, I won’t even try, I‘ll let you shine. You are the literal meaning of life of a party. You BRING IT, all of it, and the places you set foot vibrates. You are not even humble about it. You know life is for living. You are so aware that we die and leave things behind. So I applaud you for not being apologetic about the things you want. You have been the queen in our home. The voice of reason. You were chosen for a reason.

You have mothered us in the best way you know how. You blended into our family as if it was designed just for you. So much that no one can tell us apart. With everything that has been thrown your way you still stayed. I don’t know if I would ever have half the grace you carry around, and if I were you I would probably have run away a long time ago. You are loved. You are a star. I hope we make you feel seen as much as you make each one of us feel seen. The way your smile broadens when you introduce us makes me happy. I hope I make you proud.

I am blown away by the presence of my parents in my life. It’s crazy that I am at the age where I meet people here who ask me if my parents are alive (which I find weird and rude sometimes, but yo this is Europe for you) I can without any hesitation say that I have great parents. They still show up for me in amazing ways. I don’t need them to do much for me now since I’m grown, but I find reassuring comfort in their existence and the way that we relate now. The beauty of life is that we are not limited and that we are a work in progress.

I realize we want to change a million things about our parents and call them out for a million little things they did to us that they don’t even remember or choose not to remember, that we find ourselves caught up in unending trauma and heartache. You probably know by now that your parent will never apologize to you for that which they wronged you. You can’t pause your life and let that hang on your life till you die.

Maybe it’s time you took some accountability and led a life untied to shackles. Free yourself off burdens that you may never fully understand. Assume that that apology will never come. So then what? That apology may come and then what? Is it only then that your life will all of a sudden change? Maybe it’s time to forgive without conditions. Maybe you have to come to terms with never finding closure. Maybe it’s time to move on. Maybe it’s time to dwell on the rights and not on the wrongs. Maybe it’s time to give your parents flowers when they can smell them.